Its spring break and I am home for the week seeing my friends and hanging with my family. It has been fun for the past few days but my mom is noticing the shift in my mood.
I realize that I have been quiet while being home for these past few days but I am having the worst time with food and being okay with it. I am pretty sure I don't want to talk about all of this with my parents though. I mean I am sure they are not naive and thinking that I have kept everything down that I have eaten since being here.
I have been starving for two days now and I have binged (spit and chew) once because I couldn't seem to imagine even being able to purge. I am very exhausted and dizzy.
I don't know what to tell my mom. I hate being asked questions. My birthday is not this Sunday but next Sunday. I am going to be 20 years old with an eating disorder. This makes me panic. I wish to be well but I know that that will not happen because I keep these behaviors close to my heart. I am also panicking because I have to see dr.schoon and I don't want to. I know that I have gained weight since seeing him last and I am not okay with that. I just don't know what to do! I am lost. What to say to her...?
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