Hiding under a counter

Here I am hiding under a counter in the computer room, avoiding my room. I am just pathetic, if you could only see me. I just cannot get myself to go into my room. I cannot make myself move. I am anxious just thinking about it.
 I just need to vent.
I write too much! But venting here is so much better than going to binge which may end up happening anyways but I am fighting it oh so hard.

Here goes day two having to live with my roomies who no longer can room with me because I am such a burden. Although I know that they are willing to be my friends I just cannot help but think that I am this huge burden hence why I have avoided my room all day. I am feeling very sad and angry and frustrated.

It is just food! I am losing my roommates to my eating disorder, are you kidding me?!?!
Fuck this whole thing.
They say that all I talk about is food
All I talk about is going to the gym
I never have real conversations with them
That I was more fun last semester than this semester

Part of me knows that some of this is true part of the time. I have had other meaningful conversations with them that didn't involve food. But whatever maybe I am crazy and made it all up in my head.

I just have to remind myself that although they beat me to the punch telling me they could no longer room with me I never fully intended on rooming with them next year anyways because I felt as though we were clashing. I just have to remind myself of that.

Talked to both of the parents today and my dad told me that these things happen and I just need to stop feeling sorry for myself and keep fighting. I know that the way this is written is harsh but it wasn't that harsh when he said it but it still annoyed the crap out of me. My mom was understanding and said just what I needed to hear.

I am just feeling alone in all of this even though I know that I have people there for me.
Why can I be logical and illogical at the same time?
Why can't I just get better?
I know that none of this will happen in a day but oh man how I wish it would!
Got a book and I am going to give myself maybe another hour to work myself up into being able to be in that room.

This is not the end of the world. I wanted this to happen for the most part.
I hate feeling this lost...